The almighty resume`

I was in Guam hanging out at a business office, drinking coffee and flirting with the ladies, and a number of folks had applied to that business for jobs. The jobs were grunt work, hardly glamourous, but out of idle curiosity I looked at the materials the applicants had submitted. I have to admit, I was impressed with the quality of the resumes I saw.

Most were pretty simple affairs (certainly nothing wrong with that), highlighting a high school degree and a job or two, plus maybe mentioning a few related skills.
Some skills were specific software programs (MS Word, for example).
Others were more general in nature, such as mentioning experience with copy or fax machines. And what’s wrong with that? I can’t use a fax machine to this day, and I’ve always been in minor awe of folks who can ring any production out of those evil devices.

Back to resumes. When you see a resume, you know that someone had to at least invest some time and thought into producing the thing. That’s a whole lot different proposition than walking into an office, chewing and snapping gum, and saying “do you got a job application?” I’ve been in offices where I’ve heard that, and I’m tempted to say “why yes, we do…and we have Kleenex, too…would you like us to wipe your nose for you?”

Forget the sales angle inherent in a resume, and merely consider this: you’d have to have the IQ of an eggplant to prefer filling out some nitwit application to merely dropping off a resume. (Of course, you’d also have to have the IQ of an eggplant to chew gum when asking for a job in the first place, unless Wrigley’s is hiring).

Furthermore, at any level, particularly low wage “fill out the application” positions, a resume would lend an air of dignity to your qualifications. Job searching is an undignified enough endeavor as it is.
Under the U.S. flag, we’re lucky to get by with mere resumes. In much of the world, a lengthier “C.V.” (for curriculum vitae–which is Latin for “long winded and boring”) is preferred. These are long, meaningless, multi-page affairs that seem to appeal to the types who never had dates in high school. Believe me, if you’re such a loser that you can’t convey your professional essence in a page or two, a veritable autobiography ain’t going to impress anyone unless they’re equally as worthless. In very certain cases, C.V.’s are conventional, but not in general circles.

Which brings us back to that great old American resume. They’re horrible things to write, I’ll admit. You’re never done drafting the blasted things, either: they seem to evolve, age, and put on weight in front of your eyes just like your spouse does.

Looking for a job? Having a resume beats not having one, especially if you know how to use one of those infernal fax machines. Get the resume, lose the gum, and you’ll be far ahead of a lot of other folks.