Of trivia in, well, teeny paradise

My friend Juan Malas works for the local government. He reports to work promptly in his early days as a new recruit. He’d cover for most other co-workers who’d run to coffee shops or head to sea for fishing or other. He confided with a fellow worker:

“I can’t believe that these highly paid co-workers would run away from work and still get a full day’s pay. Is this how it’s done in government?”

“Pare, that’s why they call it the ‘government’. You don’t produce, you still get your promotion. If you do produce, you’re in for a long bout fighting your boss”.

“I used to work for one of the biggest private companies here. You either work and produce or you’re history!”

“That’s why `nai, it’s called the government, and it is here where you find most locals. Eh, where can you find the heavenly opportunity to get high pay for nothing, braddah!”

“I find this attitudinal deficiency very troubling and bothersome too. I don’t get real opportunities to hone my skills in order to enhance my career. It’s pathetic!”

A few months down the road, he too started slacking off or run away from work or even call in a co-worker to punch-in his time card. The transition to grand mañana was slow but it certainly came through after a while. Seesussss!

• • • • •

A bright young man had a serious buddy-buddy talk with his dad about perks he thinks are due him for scoring a 4.0 grade point average consistently for two years.

Said he: “You’ve given me a raise in my weekly allowance for having scored a perfect 4.0 since two years ago. I think it’s time that you buy me a nice convertible”.

Offered his dad: “That we can accommodate if and only if you get a hair cut”. The kid wears a long hair that flows down half his back.

Said he: “Dad, it’s a generational thing that comes with the time.”

“I understand but then one need not comform to ill-defined fads of the time”, explained the father.

“You see, dad, even the Holy Bible included pictures of Jesus Christ wearing long hair. So your argument is both irrelevant and awfully fluid”, offered the kid.

Said the father: “Sure! But he wasn’t riding on a car. He’s walking!” Silence.

• • • • •

The gals were all smiles as they read a news article about breastfeeding warding off the risk of contracting cancer. Good tidings, huh gals? But wait….

“Alright! Now I can go home to my hubby and tell him he can have my milk too”, remarked Lia` as she sashayed out of the office.

I quickly reminded Lia` that the article said nothing about hubbies, but specirfically referred to breastfeeding babies.

Said she: “It’s none of your business JR. Furthermore, it’s my breast!” Gee, that was quite a slam dunk, huh?

• • • • •

The guys were busy hugging gals at a karaoke. A short while later they were singing “Love Me Tender” as they get a little closer to the gals sitting sitting next to them.

I prenteded to clear my throat when they protested that I mind my own business. I hit right back that I’ve never seen them so caring and loiving with their spouses. They again snapped back that I should mind my own business. I did.

A little after midnight, I asked the lady to bring the bill. It was $400. Told the guys we had to pay it because the cashier needs to close sales. I told them that it’s over $600. Gee, they started throwing $100 bills on the table just so I don’t bother them again.

On the way home, everybody was quiet. Then they started mumbling that it’s too expensive. I told them we can turn right around and sing some more “Love Me Tender”. They were giggling but none knew that I made nearly $200 from their generous donation. Gee, guys, we ought to do it some more. It’s a quick way to get back what I lost in the game.

Strictly a personal view. John S. DelRosario Jr. is publisher of Saipan Tribune.