Free is popular

Saipan’s fortunes are largely tied to policy in Washington, D.C., so the Commonwealth business community is wondering if relations with Washington are going to be singing the same song, or if a new administration might change the music. It’s worth glancing at this topic once, maybe twice, but I sure don’t intend to dwell on it. But it is a topic of discussion these days, so we’re forced to heed it even if we don’t want to. Next week we’ve got to drag a hairy eyeball over the Commonwealth’s energy woes.

But this week, yuck, politics.

My pals pay closer attention to the political side of things than I do, but there is certainly a consensus that, barring some weird or surprising developments, President Bush appears to have an edge. President Bush’s message is loud and clear. Sen. Kerry’s, by contrast, seems murkier. What’s more, Kerry has been defined (fairly or otherwise) by his political opponents via the Vietnam stuff, and those who lecture me about such things say that Sen. Kerry appears to be on the defensive and has not yet demonstrated that he can turn that around. On this note: Advantage, Bush.

Meanwhile, I think the news media are soundly in Bush’s corner. This may not make a big difference to committed voters, but it’s said that about 6 percent of the electorate is up for grabs, and this thin sliver is going to swing the balance one way or the other. You may note that three major magazines—Time, Newsweek, and the U.S. News—are simultaneously, or nearly so, featuring flattering images of the president on their covers. Image is everything, baby. So, once again: Advantage, Bush.

What would an election be without meaningless polls? There’s always an epidemic of those. I have yet to see one, not one, that appears to be statistically sound and that points to an advantage for Sen. Kerry. I’m always amused when some wonks go out and poll “registered voters.” What does that have to do with anything?

No, the real issue is “likely” voters. The fun comes in when you reflect that lazy people who want to vote themselves more welfare are often too lazy to actually go and vote…at least until they invent a welfare check with an absentee ballot printed on the back. Hey, pretty cool idea, now that I think of it…so vote for me, I’ll give everyone more welfare, free education, free health care, free medicine, free food, free job training, free unemployment money, free retirement money, subsidized rent, subsidized mortgages, free child care…oh, wait, that’s now status quo. OK, back to my Free Beer platform then; could we put a ballot in every sixer of beer? Maybe a tag line… “There’s a little bit of Ed in every bottle.” I can’t lose with that, eh?

Mind you, I am not predicting the outcome of the U.S. election, since that is simply not in my realm of professional expertise. I’m just saying that the current factors seem to favor President Bush, and people competent to judge such things have given me the thumbs up on that insight.

On one hand, these factors will inevitably change. On the other hand, what is past is prologue.

On the other, other hand, you might as well enjoy happy hour today, since looking at Saipan’s energy situation next week is not going to be a happy event. So, enjoy that Friday evening brewski. And think of me, dear constituent…and Free Beer for the masses. Power to the people, baby. Power to the people.