Way cool lexicon: a guide

Today’s topic is: lousy words and good words.

Topping the lousy list is:

1. Paradigm
This word hasn’t wormed its way deep into the Commonwealth’s lexicon, thank goodness. It’s a worthless word thrown around by mediocre minds in the United States who want to sound sophisticated. For me, though, it’s a red light on my Bozo-Detector.

2. Paradigm shift
Another red light on the Bozo-Detector

3. Diversification
When someone looks you in the eye and starts blabbering about diversification in an economic context, grab your dinner fork and jab him a few times. “Diversification” is why, I suppose, the Arabs should quit pumping oil and start exporting ice cubes, why Microsoft should reduce its research budget so it can open some Garapan
massage parlors, and why the doctor next door should close his practice three days a week so he can flip burgers at McDonald’s.

4. Strategic
Only one out of ten people who use the term have a remote idea of what it means. The other nine…Bozos.

5. Tremendous
This is sort of a favorite circulating on our fair rock. It’s a pretty meaningless word. It’s not an evil word, but it’s ineffective.

6. Respect
Overused. Every whining meathead in the world is lobbying for respect now. Why respect meatheads? Merely because they’re alive? In that case, we should also respect eggplants, because they, too, are alive. Eggplant is good, I like it, but I don’t respect it. Mom was right, we should be nice to people, should be polite to everyone, but that doesn’t mean we have to respect them, does it?
I’m not saying we should be critical of people, but not all six billion people on this planet–some of them crooks, child molesters, moochers, liars, and scoundrels–have earned my respect.

7. Disrespect
Oh, yuck. Bozo city.

8. Myth
This is a favorite of the nitwit crowd in the states. Anything that is not politically correct is a “myth.” I have tremendous disrespect for this strategic paradigm. If we wonder why so many kids appear to be clueless, it’s because they’ve been taught that “two plus two equals four” is really a myth, rooted in male-dominated Roman society that was unwilling to recognize the viewpoints of others who thought that two plus two really equals eggplant.

Good words:

1. Messed up
This word is powerful and sophisticated. Take this sentence: “Our economy is messed up.” It succinctly paints a clear picture, doesn’t it? I use this term often, and it immediately shows my depth of character and refinement.

2. Meathead
Television bad guy Archie Bunker wore the term into banality in the 1970’s, but I’m happy to report the word is enjoying a respectable renaissance. There are times when only the word “meathead” will do.

3. Way cool
This is an elegant superlative. What could be better than way cool? Nothing!