Not me, dude

A few days ago, I caught this sound bite from a United States congressman: “We’ll win this. Our pride is at stake.”

He was on prime-time television talking about our prime-time television war in Serbia. I forgot his name, but what’s the difference?

I personally don’t care what happens in Serbia, or anywhere else out there. It’s not my war, my worry, my responsibility. And even if it turns into WW III, I’m still not getting involved. I’m too fat to fit into my old uniforms, so they can’t call me back into the service. If Serbian troops invade South Carolina, then give me a call. Otherwise, I don’t care.

What makes me giggle, though, is this almighty “we.” We who? Not we me. Not we him (the politician) either, he’s not in Serbia, he’s safe and sound in Washington, where he blow dries his hair every morning while people in eastern Europe are getting 2,000 pound bombs dropped onto their heads.

Which brings me to this: “Our pride.” Who’s pride? Mine? Why mine? I’m not involved. His (the politician) pride? Fair enough. So why doesn’t he say “my (not our) pride is at stake”?

The answer, of course, lies in that magic term of Orwell’s: groupthink. If you can play with the me/we/thee thing long enough, you eventually can get to the point where “we’re all in this together” means “do what I order you to do or you’ll go to prison.”

In the TV nation, it’s easy to mix up we/me/thee. Americans live vicariously. Television has supplanted real-life as…well, as real life. Sports, of course, is a prime example. Then, of all things…fishing. Fishing? Fishing is cool, but watching it on TV? Whatever. In Saipan, if somebody says “you want to go fishing tomorrow?” his buddy will say “sure, what time should I meet you at the boat?” In America, the answer would be “sure, what channel? Your TV or mine?”

And now, a bunch of bored yuppies have pretty much decided that a safe, vicarious war would be fun to watch on television. “We” will get “them” and “our” pride will benefit. Just like when “our” football team beats “their” football team and “we” say “we won!”

Which doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m not buying the tickets, the televisions, or in any other way paying the price of admission to someone’s football game. The fans do that. It’s a fair deal to everyone involved; the fans get their show, the players get their pay, the owners get their profits, and an entire industry flourishes.
Good for them, that’s what I say.

Our yuppie war, then, is somewhat the same way, though the stakes are higher, and a lot of participants aren’t involved voluntarily. Whatever. It’s none of my business, so I can not claim any passionate interest in it. In an era where mass neurosis drives public opinion which drives poll and survey results which guide policymaking which drives propaganda which drives the opinions of the neurotic, it’s best to stay as far away from the scrum as possible. And when they invoke the sacred “we,” in wars, crusades, economic scams, and other brands of social engineering, I just think “not me, dude. Leave me alone.”

Before someone says this is a selfish outlook, further reflection will reveal it’s actually benign. I don’t want some enlisted kid from the ghetto or from the farm to get shot up in Serbia on “my” account. And I’ve got nothing against fighting and kicking butt when butt needs kicking; but what makes me shake my head is when those who are too cowardly to do the fighting invoke the sacred “we.”

Stephens is an economist with Stephens Corporation, a professional organization in the NMI. His column appears three time a week: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Mr. Stephens can be contacted via the following e-mail address:ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.