George’s Pet Peeve

“I wish to register a complaint about my local fitness center,” said my friend George E. Kookstanza. “On some—but not all–occasions, the staff addresses me by my first name, as if they knew me quite well. When I come into the gym for a workout, some college dropout at the front-desk often says, ‘Have a good workout, George.’ I find this highly annoying and irritating, for a few key reasons.

“First, they don’t know me–and I sure as hell do not know them, nor do I care to know them. Why pretend that we know each other and are on a first name basis? It sounds false, hallow, artificial, insincere, and downright fake, in the most depraved commercial sense.

“Indeed, why address the person in the first place? If diplomacy or service is the aim, why not simply utter ‘Sir’–as in ‘thank you, Sir’? I have absolutely no problems with being called ‘Sir’ or even ‘Mr.,’ for that matter.

“Now suppose you have a highly respected Doctor–a surgeon, for example–making $1 million a year. Every employee in his practice addresses him with the respect and dignity he so richly deserves as a highly accomplished individual. Yet, he comes to work-out at his local 24-Hour Fitness Center where some flunky calls him ‘Harry.’-
-as in ‘Have a good workout, Harry. The good doctor would be wise to go elsewhere and get some respect.

“Further, from a cultural standpoint, I find this somewhat offensive. We do not address perfect strangers by their Christian names where I come from. It is considered rude and, indeed, highly presumptuous.

“In the very near future, I would advise them to eliminate this perhaps well-meaning yet annoying practice–otherwise, they will surely lose me as a customer when it finally comes time to renew my membership next year.

“Indeed, others may also have the very same complaint, yet say nothing in conformity: We utterly resent it, yet, at the same time, we do not wish to appear boorish or rude by insisting on the correction in person.

“Same thing when you are on an elevator and a perfect stranger asks you to press a floor for him. Why do most people do it? Heck, everyone probably does it. They feel that they cannot properly refuse. And why not? Because social conditioning turns independent men into sheep.

“Just once, I would like to see someone refuse to press a floor–to say something like, “Sorry, I don’t take orders from perfect strangers. Why don’t you do it yourself.

“Aha, but even then: One feels compelled to preface his rebuff with an apology–’Sorry.’ Why bother to say ‘sorry’? Why should one feel sorry? After all, one is really not sorry, now is he? Why would you be sorry? Why say ‘sorry.’

“Sorry, but this is just plain ludicrous.

“Nevertheless, I am personally getting very fed up with this first name with perfect stranger business. They should promptly see to it.

“Now if I went to a bank and the teller said to me, ‘Thank you and have a nice day, George,’ I would feel very deeply offended by it, perhaps even incensed. What are they really saying here? What are they trying to imply by calling me George like that? Do I not have enough money in my account to be respectfully addressed as ‘Mr. Kookstanza?’”

Yeah, if television producers ever want to run a satirical Objectivist (Ayn Rand) version of Seinfeld, I am their script writer. Give me a call. Let’s do lunch.