A tribute to Mom Understanding Sofia

I was used to hearing my younger sister complain why Mom would never allow her attend parties without chaperone. Even during her senior prom, Mom forced her to take me as her escort. That was a decision met with obviously irritated “But Mom…” protests both from me and my sister.

A couple of months later, my sister’s best friend came to our house crying. She was carrying a little bagful of clothes, indicating that I’d see her around for quite some time. It did not take long before the anticipated news broke out — she was pregnant. It turned out that she gave everything up to her 16-year-old boyfriend on the night of the prom.

As expected, Mom started reciting her infamous “You see…” oratorical piece, which we all have already memorized considering the number of times she narrated it since each one of us in a brood of four turned 13. I remember hearing her recite that piece more often that my most favorite song was played on the radio.

While all of her children regularly experienced her nagging reminders, Mom was extra protective about my younger sister, she being the only girl in the family. She was not allowed to entertain admirers until she turned 18 years, nor was she permitted to stay out with anyone other than any member of the family beyond 12 midnight.

As for me and my two older brothers, the usual rules of the house applied: No drugs, no consumption of too much alcohol and no smoking until after college. There was also a point in time when we had to observe curfew hours: Be home by midnight.

I find Mom’s house rules too restrictive. Our conflicting views on what I should be doing and how I do it have, more often than not, resulted to arguments. The rest of my friends drink alcohol and started smoking when we were in high school. At 15, they were allowed to host and attend parties up until the wee hours of the night while Dad came by to pick me up shortly before 12 midnight.

On weeknights, I should not be seen outside unless I am reading a book or studying my lessons. Mom was so strict about her children going home direct after class. The set up allowed us too little time to socialize with friends, who are mostly classmates or schoolmates.

Despite Mom’s strict enforcement of her own version of the Ten Commandments, she failed to realize her biggest dream of seeing all four of her children march the aisle to receive a college diploma.

My eldest brother dropped out of college after completing two years in a foreign service institution, while the second walked his way out of an architectural course after only one semester. Both tied the knot even before they could toss the toga.

I saw Mom’s tears rolling down her cheeks for the first time when she made me and my younger sister promise that we will graduate from college, and that we will not disappoint her like what our elder brothers did.

Mom, herself, had many times marched on stage reaping medals for her good scholastic standing during her grade and high schools. She had always wanted to be a pediatrician but she also failed to make it through college.

I can no longer recall how many times she would sigh in disappointment because her father did not send her to a university on grounds that she was just a woman whose world is confined inside the house – to prepare meals, wash the dishes and take care of her children.

They told her she would be just a wife to a husband who shall do the breadwinning for the family, and just a mother to children who would be needing her services at home. She was told that all she had to learn were how to do the household chores and how to rear her children – no more, no less.

But she was not immediately convinced by her parents’ explanation that our culture dictates that women are just women confined inside the four corners of the house – that it is a tough man’s world outside.

Although Mom got married at 17 or barely a year after she graduated from high school, Dad allowed her to work as a secretary in a big liquor company. She never became a doctor though, but was at least given an equal chance by Dad to pursue a career.

Her corporate life was never meant to last long since she had to return to a full-time job inside the house after giving birth to her third baby who suffers from congenital heart disease. Since then, Mom devoted all her precious time inside the house taking care of her four kids without regrets.

My younger sister now works as an accounting staff in a leading commercial bank in Manila while I have hopped from one news organization to another both in the Philippines and overseas, giving Mom a feel of fulfillment she had been dispossessed of.

Mom says watching her children succeed in their chosen endeavors is more than the completion of her own aborted dreams. It is the essence of her being just a woman, she quips.

For a lot of people, she was just a woman. We can only thank God Mom did all what she had done in the past. I can only thank God Mom is there to do the other half of my father’s obligation. We are lucky enough there are just women who definitely are more than just a man.

Because of Mom, I realized that women are not just women. They are not just sisters and grandmothers. Not just aunts and nieces. They will be mothers who will always be behind their husbands’ and their children’s success.

The truth is, women make the difference. For our family, at least, SOFIA is the tie that binds.