The sky is falling…or melting

Too much worry about silly things may be a sign of “affluenza,” a mental illness that strikes societies that have gotten too rich for their own good. Not that being rich is a bad thing, of course, but we do have to admit that the soccer mom and yuppie crowd is a pretty clueless bunch.

It’s a phenomenon I leave to the psychologists and sociologists to ponder. What is it about prosperity that turns so many people into abject–and fearful–dingbats?

Witness all this global warming nonsense. Your average Joe working in your average country doesn’t have time to give a hoot about junk-science scare mongering about how the world is melting in front of our very eyes. No, he’s too busy wondering if he can keep a roof over his family’s head and send one of his brighter kids to the big university in the nearest big city.

I’m no scientist, but I’m of sufficiently sound and critical mind to remain confident that nobody has really come up with credible and convincing evidence that mankind has caused the earth to heat up.

And I am sufficiently long in the tooth to distinctly recall our grade school teacher warning us that another ice age was on its way. Our playground would eventually be run over by a giant glacier…only now, they’re telling kids that the same playground is going to be flooded by that glacier, because the glacier is melting.

Well, which it is? Ice age or fire age? Either way, it’s fear mongering gibberish. Who has the luxury of wasting time worrying about such things?

Global warming–or freezing, take you pick–isn’t going to kill you. A heart attack might kill you. Or a stroke. Or something horrible like those things. These are disasters that ruin lives and that heap misery upon misery upon families. If you’re going to worry about stuff, this kind of stuff is legitimate fodder for worry, I suppose. And, so the doctors tell us, these scourges can be combated by healthy living habits, such as putting a slice of lime into your Corona beer, or by limiting your smoking to five packs a day if you had pork chops for breakfast that morning.

But, no, these practical tips for better living go unheeded, while the collective hysteria about global warming continues to roll through the stuccoed walls of yuppiedom. The next step will be a space monster scare, and, of course, the government will need to build a hundred trillion dollar project of some sort to save us from whatever evil is Lurking Out There.

And let’s not forget the terrorist scare. At this very moment, a battalion of terrorists might be planning to take over Peoria, Illinois…or New Rochelle, New York…or Fresno, California…why, the list of places that terrorists might be planning to take over is virtually endless! My goodness, how can we defend against an enemy so devious that he has an endless number of targets to choose from? What if they blow up the neighborhood bowling alley? Or, worse yet, the Starbuck’s coffee house?

And, of course, don’t forget the Y2K scare. I poo-pooed that crock of nonsense endlessly, as my readers will well remember. That was a fun gig, but what’s really instructive is how much of American society is extremely receptive to scare tactics.

Affluenza indeed. While most of humanity faces growling bellies, the yuppies are facing growling phantoms.

Stephens is an economist with Stephens Corporation, a professional organization in the NMI. His column appears three times a week: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Mr. Stephens can be contacted via the following e-mail address: ed4Saipan@yahoo.com.