Five parenting principles

Recently I overheard a frustrated parent say to her upset and confused teenage daughter, “ Listen, sweetheart, when you were born you didn’t come with a book of instructions. This is my first time around, and I’m flying blind here myself.” Who of us hasn’t wished that when children are born, they would come with a manual on parenting. Child-raising is for many of us a hit-and-miss trial-and error process. Let’s look at five parenting principles that may help us muddle through this all important task of raising a child from a tiny infant into a mature and well-adjusted adult.

Make Parenting a Priority:

Today’s lifestyle involves that both mother and father work outside the home. Because of this pressure and other distractions, many of us have developed other important activities such as fulfilling career obligations, volunteer commitments and furthering serious hobbies. As a result children are left to themselves more than ever before.

Mark Twain, the famous American author, once remarked, “ We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means most to them, we give grudgingly.”

We must make the character of our children a priority and find time daily to focus on them. Parenting means throwing your whole self into it. Parenting must be a priority in your and in your children’s lives.

Create a Community of Good Examples:

The saying: “Do as I say, not as I do,” will simply create more problems. Either we walk the talk or our children will turn us off. Children, particularly teenagers, cannot be treated like hothouse plants. They need to know good people and be able to distinguish them from self-serving and undisciplined people. And you and your spouse are the first ones on their list.

Consciously Build Your Family:

When you admire someone’s else child, what is your reaction? “Why doesn’t mine behave like that or why doesn’t my child receive awards?” Simple answer. The child’s parents threw themselves into building a family.
Parents need to provide structure in the lives of their children. They do this by consistent rules, by providing a steady environment rather than a turbulent one. They establish family traditions and stick to them.

Accept It: You Have Authority:

Children are your responsibility until they leave your house. You have certain authority to feed, and clothe them. But the one authority so many parents give up on is control of the behavior of their children. Instead they try to become a “friend” to their children instead of a parent. Little do we realize that children yearn for the guidance and leadership of strong, independent adults who stand for something, not grown-up playmates. The wise parent knows how to combine the two, but never mistakes one for the other.

Become Involved in Your Children’s School Life:

Recall how you drove your child to school every day when he entered kindergarten. How you were so concerned with everything they did at school. Then as he moved up through the grades, you gradually began to drift away until you rarely ask what is happening at his school. You are concerned only when he gets into real trouble. What happened to your interest.? Does the child need less of it now?

We must realize and accept that families are social constructions. They are made. They are also continually in flux. Like any institution, they can be improved or left to deteriorate. The five principles above are ideas that can serve as the basis for discussion and improvement of relationship between parents and children. Happy Parenting!

Strictly a personal view. Anthony Pellegrino writes every Monday and Tuesday. Mr. Pellegrino can be reached at tonypell@saipan.com