A recovering governmentaholic speaks out

Most of us are probably familiar with “Alcoholic’s Anonymous”–a popular support group for recovering alcoholics. But few of us know about the GAA–Government Addiction Anonymous, a support group for recovering big government addicts.

The CNMI chapter of the GAA actually met last Friday. They met at a discreet location, as far away from government buildings and career civil service employees as possible. At the meeting, a timid man came forward and bravely opened up, baring his soul–the soul of a former moocher, leach, and parasite.

“Hello, my name is Tony,” began the ex-government addict. “And I am a recovering governmentaholic. For the past ten years, my life had been inextricably bound up with big government. I was overly dependent on the state for my every need, and whenever I had a problem of any kind I eagerly looked to the government for still more help.

“But I eventually overcame this debilitating government addiction. I did it by faithfully following the classic twelve-step program for recovering addicts.

“First, I admitted that I was powerless over big government–that my life had become desperate and deplorable under its corrupting influence.

“Second, I came to believe that a liberating Power greater than big government could finally restore me to sanity. I believed this to be the power of Reason, Self-esteem, Self-respect, and personal Honor and Dignity.

“Third, I made a decision, right then and there, to turn my will and my life over to the productive, merit-based private business sector, where my efforts would be rewarded according the value that I created for others.

“Fourth, I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. I realized that I had long been neglecting individual responsibility, self-reliance–and that, all along, I had been turning over practically my entire existence to the state, in the service of the state, at the expense of the productive people in the private sector, whose tax dollars were unfairly confiscated for my unjustified political benefit.

“Fifth, I admitted to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs–of my previous thinking and transgressions against the sacred cause of individual liberty.

“Sixth, I became entirely ready to have good honest hard work remove all these defects of character.

“Seventh, I humbly prayed and asked God to forgive me for voting Democrat.

“Eight, I made a list of all the private businesses I had dutifully and cheerfully harassed while I was an arrogant government bureaucrat exerting my authority in order to compensate for my deeply entrenched feelings of inferiority.

“Ninth, I became willing to make direct amends and apologized to all the people I had harmed and all the lives I may have ruined or destroyed through government audits and the like.

“Tenth, I continued to take personal inventory and when I was wrong promptly admitted it.

“Eleventh, I sought through prayer and meditation to improve our consciousness of the private sector and the true requirements of life in terms of not violating the rights of others by using the government to steal through the redistribution of wealth.

“Finally, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to governmentaholics, and to practice these principles in all my affairs.”

Strictly a personal view. Charles Reyes Jr. is a regular columnist of Saipan Tribune. Mr. Reyes may be reached at charlesraves@hotmail.com