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Saipan’s weekly guide to cinema
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Posted on Jan 20 2005
By Joe Weindl
Special to the Saipan Tribune
Hafa Adai, guacamole, how are you? I had a nice vacation, but it’s time to get back to work, watching movies and making snide remarks about them. Man, this job is tough. Did you miss me? I’ll pretend you said “yes.”
With the New Year, I figured I’d implement a new system for my movie reviews—every review will include a rating, or in this case, a grade. What a novel, idea, huh? The grades I’ll be applying are pretty straightforward, modeled after the grades one would get in school—“A” is excellent, “B” is above average, “C” is average, yadda, yadda.
One more change: In the very near future, after having finally broken through the gates of the film critics’ circle, I’ll at last be able to watch movies before they’re released, so that you can read the review on the day it opens in theaters (or in our case—theater). Again, what a novel idea, eh?
It’s good to be back on the pages of the Saipan Tribune. Here’s hoping that the New Year will bring us plenty of good cinematic fun.
JOE SAYS
Phantom of the Opera; 2:23; PG-13, for violence and impromptu singing
See review in Monday’s Saipan Tribune
Elektra; 1:37; PG-13, for violence
Jennifer Garner’s rotund buttocks in tight leather is the only reason one might want to watch this stupid spin-off of another incredibly horrible comic-book movie (Daredevil).
Grade: F
Are We There Yet?; PG, for language and rude humor
See review in Monday’s Saipan Tribune
Assault on Precinct 13; 1:49; R, for strong violence and language
See review on other article
Grade: C +
Meet the Fockers; 1:54; PG-13, for language and incessant crude humor
Terrific comedic acting from an all-star ensemble cast makes Meet the Fockers almost as fun to watch as its predecessor.
Grade: B
Racing Stripes; 1:34; PG, for mild language and crude humor
Racing Stripes can be boring as all heck for the adults in the audience, but we’re not the target audience. Youngsters between 5-12 should enjoy it just fine.
Grade: C
White Noise; 1:41; PG-13, for violence, horror, and language
White Noise is never even slightly scary, and the acting is terrible. The story is absurd, and never emotionally involving enough to make the audience care.
Grade: F
