An invitation to a dysfunctional three-day wedding

They are not characters from the films Meet the Parents nor Father of the Bride but they surely are every bit as dysfunctional as their Hollywood counterparts, with a wedding serving as the catalyst for the many hilarious moments that will surely unfold during the momentous day itself.

Tony Nunzio Jr. and Tina Vitale blew into town for a three-night “wedding ceremony” that would assure guests of a ceremony filled with fun and complete merriment. Billed as Tony and Tina’s Wedding, the occasion marks the first time that a wedding ceremony would be held for three nights straight in the Northern Mariana Islands.

When asked why the two lovebirds chose a three-night wedding celebration here on Saipan, the young Nunzio, who can’t seem to let go of his bride, said, “It’s not New Jersey, and it’s warm.”

Tony and Tina said that they are very much in love with each other. Young Nunzio recalled how they met and how he proposed to Tina over a bottle of red wine and a corn dog. He had to stop the Ferris wheel they were on for five minutes to pop the question. The rest is history, he said.

The bride’s mother and the groom’s father, together with the maid of honor, Connie, and best man, Barry, managed to sit down with this reporter for a little téte á téte, as they frantically prepare for the big day.

Connie, who is currently on the way, said the wedding on Saipan “is a lot nicer because we really could breathe through our noses” due to the fresh and clean air.

Tony Nunzio Sr., an Italian businessman, said he was swept away by the good business climate on Saipan—the reason why he could not wait for the actual day of the wedding itself.

The older Nunzio—who looked a bit like Danny De Vito—was flanked during the interview by two women—Maddie and Mrs. Vitale—who, according to Tony Jr., were fighting for his father’s attention. At one point, Maddie—described by the bride and groom as a “tramp”—became sarcastic at Tina’s mother, Mrs. Vitale. The wedding planner whispered that the two are getting on each other’s nerves, especially with the wedding day approaching.

The wedding planner, who spoke for the wedding cast but declined to be named, said that Tina’s mother had told her about checking travel websites and she had found the Marianas Visitors Authority website where she learned about its promo, “Wedding in Paradise.” She said Tina’s mother thought a wedding in the CNMI would be more exciting than a wedding in the Bahamas or New Jersey.

The wedding planners themselves described Saipan as a wedding playground in paradise, to which the young Nunzio agreed, saying, “Playground in paradise, we like playgrounds.”

Despite the impending happy occasion, nasty rumors kept circulating, with the wedding planner herself letting drop that Barry the best man—one of young Nunzio’s closest friends—is rumored to be in a secret relationship with pregnant Connie.

Despite this, the wedding planner and the entire wedding ensemble promised that the three-night wedding engagement would provide much fun, laughter and hilarity to invited guests and the expected gate crashers.

The group promises a lot of musical and dance numbers at the Pacific Islands Club’s wedding chapel along the beach. The wedding is set on Friday and Saturday at 7pm and on Sunday at 4pm.

Though the engagement would entail a minimal fee—$25—this would be complemented by the best Italian buffet on this island, the wedding planner said. (Marconi Calindas)