Calvos to coordinate October 2005 WWME weekend

By Jess R.A. Sonoda
Special to the Saipan Tribune

“The Calvos can do it!”

With this confident response from Julian Calvo, the committee wasted no time accepting the Calvo couple’s generous offer to coordinate the upcoming Worldwide Marriage Encounter (WWME) Weekend.

Although freshly encountered just last November of 2004, Marcia and Julian Calvo were not daunted by the formidable task of coordinating the entire Weekend. The motivating force, according to the couple, is that their marriage has benefited so much from Marriage Encounter that they wanted to help other married couples in any way they could.

“It’s payback time. We want to pay back what we got out of our Weekend,” explained the Calvos who, along with Tony and Linda Yarobwemal (2004 WWME Coordinator) will co-coordinate next month’s Oct. 21-23 Weekend.

“Everything that we got and saw in our Weekend, we wanna take charge,” said Julian. “We would like to share with all married couples how beautiful it was for us to experience such a Weekend!”

Echoing her husband’s sentiment, Marcia nodded her head in full agreement.

FIRST MARCIA

Marcia had heard about the marriage encounter program from pulpit talks given by members of the Marriage Encounter community. She had also read articles about it in the North Star publications as well as from friends who were encountered and testify that their marriage went from good to even better.

Wanting the same for her marriage, Marcia bugged, begged, and cajoled Julian to make the Weekend as far back as four years ago. However, all her pleadings fell on deaf ears as Julian countered that “there’s nothing wrong with my marriage.”

Julian explained that he always considered himself a very responsible husband and father, attends to and feeds his family and has always believed that communication is the key to a good marriage. Explaining himself to Marcia, he says: “I talk to you, I talk to the kids. I love you, I take care of you so, no, I don’t need it [marriage encounter].”

For four years Marcia swallowed Julian’s “no” every time she brings up the topic of a Marriage Encounter Weekend. She attributed this passive behavior perhaps due to her strict upbringing of not questioning authority. Besides, being a person who’s more prone to look at the brighter side of things, she doesn’t like to dwell on negatives. She expressed that she learned to leave such things “in the closet” of her heart, although she was aware that certain feelings inside were stirring up and eventually would be exposed.

As a young adult, Marcia was a catechist for two years then became active in the Legion of Mary for 10 years. Later on, she became very involved with the Neo-Catechumenal Way but found it very hard to remain so because it became “rather difficult to serve God when my other half is not with me. It was as if my cup was half-empty.” Eventually though, she got her husband to join her and with a giggle in her voice admitted that Julian is now even more active in this movement than she is! “Must be the M.E. effect,” she boasted.

THEN JULIAN

Four years had slipped by and now it’s Julian’s turn to want to make a Marriage Encounter Weekend. He rationalized his sudden shift from “No” to Marriage Encounter to a “Yes” by explaining that from joining the Legion of Mary organization from San Vicente Parish, he has been a soldier for Christ. Presently, with the Neo-Catechumenal Way, his whole family is involved. However, he says, he has never entered a program where their couple relationship was the focal point.

Like Marcia’s half-empty cup, Julian was feeling a stirring within himself. Upon close scrutiny, he came to realize that up to now all their energies and attention were all focused on everyone else but the two of them. He felt a strong need for something which would strictly be for them as a married couple, for “just the two of us.”

He said that since early on in their marriage and even up to the present, he and his wife have been opening up their homes to people and relatives from both sides and have shared many learning and beautiful memories with all of them. But again, there is still the lack of focus on their couple relationship.

Embedded in Julian’s mindset now is the attraction of Marriage Encounter. Now the prospect of a Marriage Encounter Weekend sounded very promising and seemed like the right place to be. In his newfound zeal, and well in advance of the next available Weekend, he instructed Marcia to look into M.E. and get all pertinent information.

But while Julian was now hot in the pursuit of marriage encounter, Marcia, on the other hand, was not. Four years of waiting had dampened her hope and desire for it and she even resented the fact that it was now Julian who was aching to go. So she deliberately ignored her husband’s repeated request.

Marcia recounted that at this phase in their marriage, each was going their own way as if they were single, conveniently excusing their unmarried behavior toward each other on work, pregnancies, children, and school.
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THE M.E. WEEKEND FINALLY!

Nine years of marriage and with the last four Julian consistently turning down Marriage Encounter invitations, the Calvos finally found themselves at Riviera Hotel on Nov. 19, 2004 at 7:00 in the evening. Their journey to the hotel was rough. A heated argument ensued for a duration of an hour and a half. Upon arrival at the hotel, though, Julian was filled with excitement while Marcia was still fuming, and, in Julian’s own words, “cornered” herself on the first night of the Encounter!

The Calvos, along with 17 other couples and a priest, stayed at Riviera Hotel from Friday evening until late Sunday afternoon. Before the Weekend ended they would have gone through many more arguments and miscommunications. By Sunday’s end, however, they would have learned a basic communication tool which, if employed, would see them through their Sacraments of Matrimony and Holy Orders in spite of the many challenges that would still confront them ahead in their marriages and ministry.

THE CHANGE

Initially, Julian’s rationale for not wanting to attend a Marriage Encounter Weekend was that he truly believed that he and Marcia had good communication. But when they entered the Weekend and were given the right tools to communicate, their communication gained new ground and greater heights. Their Weekend helped them not only to communicate better but more importantly, cemented the foundation of their relationship. Of their rediscovered relationship Julian had this to say: “She [Marcia] is much more loving, caring, responsible, and overall intimate with me, indeed a higher level than I would’ve expected!”

Marcia shares jokingly that prior to their Weekend, she thought her life would have ended before seeing the sweeter side of Julian. After the Weekend, she finally got to see for herself the “soft and sweet” side of her husband. Always portraying himself as the rough and tough, no-nonsense macho guy with cowboy boots and a Harley, Julian now would send flowers or call his wife at work briefly to tell her he loves her.

Julian admitted: “I never sent her flowers before nor buy those candy kisses. I had zero romance. I would even throw flowers sent to me in the trash for fear that I might be caught with it.”

Of the change in her husband after the Weekend, Marcia noted: “Oh my goodness, he has a soft heart and I’m overwhelmed. Dang, this dude’s got a lot of love! Where’d this come from?” To which Julian replied, almost mumbling: “I didn’t know that myself. I didn’t even realize I have it.”

AN OPEN INVITATION

Julian and Marcia are urging all married couples to attend the Marriage Encounter Weekend this Oct. 21-23, 2005. Registration is limited to 20 couples on a first-come-first-serve basis. The Weekend will be held at the Hotel Riviera west of the NMC campus. A Presenting Team couple from Kauai and two Presenting Team couples from Saipan and a priest from Guam will present the Weekend.

For those couples who are hesitant, doubtful, or undecided, the Calvos urge that they give Marriage Encounter a try. Marcia points out that a sacramental marriage is a blessing, sealed by God and the couple themselves. She added it would be “very sad if we let our pride and differences come between our marital vows” and reminds couples that “our promise of for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health” should be a lifetime commitment.

For his part Julian says: “ Whether your relationship is good or bad, I encourage everyone to be there. If you want to learn more about your spouse, this is the place to be. In Marriage Encounter you learn more of your spouse and yourself as well. Be at the Weekend. Be Encountered!”

For more information call Julian and Marcia Calvo at 288-2253; Tony and Linda Yarobwemal at 288-1369; or Russ and Kanae Quinn at 256-1058. (PR)