A modest proposal

Dear Governor Fitial,
Hafa Adai! I have a huge favor to ask of you. Since you just issued an executive order allowing CUC to borrow up to $5 million without first obtaining legislative consent, could I kindly request that I be allowed to rack up a line of credit at CUC for a mere $50,000 for my business? I believe your administration allowed a certain company to rack up more than $600,000 in CUC debt. Can’t I do the same? It’s only $50,000, which is a tithing of what DCM and CISCO were paid, and we all know what an outstanding job they did for CUC! Please contact your director, Mr. Tony Muna, and ask if this would be possible. I tried calling CUC but for some odd reason the phone is always busy!

On a side note, I hear you are working hard to take over the Commonwealth Development Authority. Good for you! You did an outstanding job with MPLA! My goodness, look at all those arrests from all that alleged corruption you spoke so much about a couple of years back. Outstanding job! Errr, what’s that? No arrests? No prosecution? The Attorney General hasn’t done anything yet? They can’t prosecute because the statute of limitations in the CNMI Criminal Code has already been exceeded? Huh? Oops, scratch that. Let me think of another agency you took over. I know! How about CUC? You’ve done an outstanding job with CUC! Thanks to the fact that we have the highest power rates in the modern world and of course our never-ending power outages, I get to know firsthand how cavemen and our ancestors lived! Biba “Back to the Basics!” Power is overrated! We don’t need it!

Governor, one last request: Before you take over CDA, could you wait a month or two? I want to get a loan with them, and then you can take it over. Perhaps, once you take it over, you could wipe out all of our CDA debts, kind of like how CPA wants CDA to wipe out their $6 million loan? We can all pretend it never existed! I have a good imagination, and apparently so do you!

Keep up the good work and let me know how the lawsuit against the evil federal government is going, and tell Mr. Jenner and Mr. Block I said hello. We need to take down the Great Satan! I applaud you for staying the course, and can honestly tell you that your approval ratings are soaring and the people of the CNMI applaud you! Biba Better Times!

Your number one fan,
[B]Ed Propst[/B] [I]Dandan, Saipan[/I]